Shocker: Snowman previously worked as "Chuckles the Clown"

Following the recent revelation that rapper Rick Ross was previously employed as a prison guard for the Florida Department of Corrections, the week reporters uncovered another rapper with a hidden past that contradicts his gangster lifestyle. According to the Associated Press, despite his claims of a criminal past and a history of drug dealing, rapper Young Jeezy used to work as an entertainer at children's birthday parties near his home in Macon, Georgia.

According to reports, Jeezy, the self described "Snow Man" was previously known as “Chuckles the Clown” and “Majesto the fun time party Magician” in addition to work dressing up as popular children's characters including Barney the Dinosaur and Winnie the Pooh.

Walt Mortenson, owner and founder of Walt’s Wacky Party Supplies told reporters that Jeezy, real name Jay Jenkins, was a valued employee for over five years. “I remember Jay, he was wonderful with the children. Whether he was making balloon animals, or dressing up as [Winnie the] Pooh, he always had a smile on his face, and a spring in his step.”

When asked about his alleged past employment, Jeezy was quick to deny the accusations. “The snowman never work no nine-to-five, feel me? We trappin’ and we strappin’, ya heard? Yeeah! Jeezy make it snow, I’m tha snow man. It’s like a blizzard when Young Jeezy on the block. I don’t know no balloon animals. Balloon Doggy? Get tha fuck outta here!”

Despite the denials, the rumors surrounding Jeezy’s past persist. Jamal Wilson, a high school student in Decatur, Georgia, claims that Jeezy performed at his birthday party as a magician. “I knew it was that dude! He was at my birthday. Jeezy came, he made me a balloon dog, then that mothafucka ate like 10 slices of ice cream cake! That’s what’s up.”

This is far from the first time a rapper’s past has contradicted his public persona. In addition to the recent outings of Rick Ross and Young Jeezy, rapper Jay-Z previously revealed that Prodigy of the rap duo Mobb Deep used to take ballet lessons and 50 Cent has accused The Game of performing as a male stripper and exposed his appearance on the dating show “Change of Heart” where his girlfriend had a change of heart and opted to date another man.

Reports have been surfacing regarding other rappers’ pasts as well. Commenters on several hip hop internet message boards have reported that the self described “gentleman” Fonzworth Bentley was nicknamed "Dirty Raw Dogg" during his adolescence, due to his substandard grooming habits as welll as his preference for inexpensive malt liquor and unprotected sex. It has also been reported that Busta Rhymes frequently performed a raunchy drag queen act in Manhattan's West Village as “Mistress Zelda” and that Sean "P Diddy" Combs is not, in reality, a self-absorbed douchebag.

Young Jeezy's latest album The Recession was released yesterday on Def Jam Records. Buy it at Amazon HERE.

Lil Scrappy Learns Valuable Lesson: "Don't take your weed to a knife fight"

Rapper Lil Scrappy (real name Daryl Kevin Richardson II) learned a valuable lesson over the weekend when he decided to bring his marijuana to a knife fight. The incident resulted in him not only being stabbed, but being arrested for felony marijuana possession as well.

When reached for comment, the rapper, out of the hospital and out on bail, declared it "wasn't his day."

Tony Yayo Arrested For Assaulting a Four Year Old

Rapper and 50 Cent's man servant Tony Yayo was arrested today on charges that he threatened and assaulted a toddler while dining in a Denny’s restaurant in East Brunswick, New Jersey. According to witnesses, Yayo (real name Marvin Bernard) had just finished his “Moon over my hammy” when he noticed a child in the restaurant staring in his direction.

Monique Delmonde, a waitress in the restaurant, told reporters that Yayo began staring down the young child and taunting him verbally. “What up lil’ bitch? You gotta eye problem? Why don’t you just turn around son?” The rapper reportedly asked, before throwing French Fries in the direction of the child’s high chair.

The confrontation escalated when the child began laughing and threw a chicken nugget that landed in Yayo’s soft drink. At that point Yayo was heard telling his dining companions, “We gon’ fuck dat baby up!”

Yayo ran at the youngster and reportedly was able to slap the child several times before the child’s family and restaurant employees were able to intervene. The G-Unit lackey and 50 Cent's tax write-off was then forcibly ejected from the restaurant. Police officers, responding to several 911 calls from diners in the restaurant arrived at the scene and promptly arrested the rapper for assault, disturbing the peace and other charges stemming from the low quality of his debut album "Thoughts of a Predicate Fellon" .

This is not the first time the less than talented rapper has had problems with the law resulting from a run in with a much younger individual. Yayo was previously charged with assaulting the 14 year-old son of rival rapper The Game's manager, Jimmy "Henchmen" Rosemond. Yayo also reportedly kicks puppies and gives painful "Indian Burns" to the elderly.

When reached for comment, Yayo explained his actions, telling reporters, “G-Unit, we don’t play around. It's Tony Yayo up in this bitch. Got them German lugers with them hollow tips. Whether you’re four or a hundred and four, we gon ride on you! Buck! Buck! Buck!”

The when asked about the incident, the toddler who was involved in the fracas told reporters Yayo was a "poo poo head." and "eats doodie."

Tony Yayo’s G-Unit Radio Mixtape “Finally Off Papers” is available for free download: HERE.

Snoop Dogg announces first annual AIDS Crip-Walk for Charity

Grammy winning rapper and pornographer Snoop Dogg (real name Calvin Broadus), announced plans today for the first Snoop Dogg Aids Crip-Walk to benefit AIDS Project Los Angeles. The charity event, to be held in Compton, California is a variation on popular AIDS Walk events. Instead of simply walking a predetermined distance, participants are expected to “Crip Walk” the entire route. Crip Walking or “Cripping” is a steady movement of the feet used to spell out gang-related symbols and images. The practice is popular among members of the California based Crips, a gang that Snoop Dogg has long been associated with.

The rapper hopes that the event will raise awareness, not only of the AIDS crisis, but of the Crips as well. When reached for comment, the rapper referred to himself in the third person by saying, “Big Snoop Dogg tha Dogfather of this whole charity shit. You know I gotta do my thang, fight that bug. But an OG is always repping they hood. That’s why we Crip Walking in Compton bitches; we fightin’ that AIDS.”

The move stunned many AIDS activists due to the rapper’s frequent use of homophobic slurs in his lyrics. When reached for comment, Director of AIDS Project Los Angeles Barry Tretorn told reporters, “This is certainly unexpected but charity work sometimes makes strange bedfellows! While I certainly don’t support everything Snoopy (sic) has done, I applaud his efforts on behalf of AIDS research. I think Snoopy and his Doggy Pound Gang are just terrific. They're fabulous!” Tretorn added, “Snoopy’s (sic) involvement has allowed us to reach a segment of the population that normally resists our message either from homophobia or simple fear. Kudos to you Mr. Dogg!”

When asked to comment on Tretorn’s statement, Snoop responded, “No Homo.”

AIDS Walk is a walkathon fundraiser that raises money to combat the AIDS epidemic. The funds raised from AIDS Walks usually benefit a local AIDS service organization which provide services and advocacy for local community residents who are infected with HIV. They are also often credited for being effective tools of public outreach, community empowerment, and education for the issues surrounding AIDS. Those wishing to make a donation to AIDS Project Los Angeles can do so HERE.

Snoop Dogg Demonstrates his "Crip Walk" technique

Method Man and Redman sign on for “Weekend at Bernie’s” remake

Executives at 20th Century Fox confirmed today that rappers and platonic life mates Redman and Methodman have signed on to star in a remake of the 80’s comedy “Weekend at Bernie’s.” The film, tentatively titled “Ballin’ at Bernie’s” is slated for release in February 2009.

The original “Weekend at Bernie’s,” released in 1989, starred Andrew McCarthy and Jonathan Silverman as a pair of young executives who must create the illusion that their murdered boss, Bernie Lomax is still alive in order to avoid being murdered themselves. The Redman and Methodman version will center around the creatively named characters “Red” and “Meth.” The characters are two aspiring rappers who must pretend that rap producer Bernie “Ice Dawg” Slim is still alive after a local gang murders him in a drive-by shooting. Red and Meth must keep up their clever ruse in order to avoid being murdered themselves and score a record deal by winning a local radio station talent contest.

When reached for comment, Redman, nee Reginald Noble, explained, "First ‘Bernie’s’? Straight up HOOD CLASSIC. Dat fool, straight murked and they be ballin’ in his crib like it ain't no fuckin’ thing. That’s what’s really hood. The second one was wack with that voodoo shit. What the fuck was that? But this one we're takin’ it dirty, we gonna be smokin’ up in that shit, bangin’ bitches, Red, Mef and Bernie yo, all up in your cinema."

Redman and Method Man previously starred together in the 2001 stoner comedy film “How High”, which featured the pair playing two marijuana-addled students attempting to survive at Harvard University. The duo also briefly had their own television sitcom, “Method & Red”, which featured the pair interacting with a variety of upper-middle class Caucasian stereotypes on Fox during the 2003–2004 season. The two also co-own three Einstein Bagels franchises in the greater Dallas Fort Worth area and co-manage a small maple syrup farm in northern Vermont.

Method Man addressed critics who doubted the duo’s commitment to maple syrup manufacturing, "First thing we do in the morning is get high. So you know we love our fuckin’ maple syrup . We need the raw uncut organic shit. So we takin’ the methods of productions into our own hands. Yeah son, that’s the package, right there."

“Already Platinum” Still Not Platinum

Nearly three years since its release, “Already Platinum” the major label debut from Houston rapper Slim Thug has yet to be certified as a platinum record. A Platinum Record is an award given to a musical artist for the sale of one million copies of an album. The most recent data from Soundscan, the entity charged with monitoring music sales, indicates that the record has yet to achieve even Gold Record status, selling only 457,002 copies since it’s release. In recent months, the record has been consistently selling approximately 100 copies a week. If this trend continues, the record should achieve platinum status sometime in the year 2018.

Slim Thug, nee Stayve Jerome Thomas, is known among hip hop fans primarily for appearing on a Mike Jones single, being really tall, and for having his name prominently tattooed on his forearms. The self-proclaimed “Boss of all Bosses” was signed by Geffen Interscope during the American public’s brief flirtation with regional Houston hip-hop, a subgenre known mostly for its celebration of prescription strength cough syrup and jewel encrusted dental appliances known as “grills.” Houston hip-hop reached its commercial peak in 2005 with releases from Mike Jones, Paul Wall, and Chamillionaire topping the billboard charts.

Commenting on the record’s boastful title, Slim Thug has recently distanced himself from the high expectations created by “Already Platinum.” He has claimed that the title referred not to the album that bared its name but to his previous success selling other albums, which, curiously had also failed to be certified platinum. “Yeah, I called my album 'Already Platinum.' In the streets they know me.” The back-peddling rapper explained, “Any hood I go to they know Slim Thug. I've been rich for years. I got fuckin’ platinum in my mouth, platinum on the handle of my glock, platinum in my wood grain. Soundscan can't tell me nothing about platinum."

“Already Platinum” was released in the summer of 2005 to high expectations. Executives at Interscope hoped the record would appeal to hip hop fans hungry for songs addressing gun violence, unearned bravado and customized cars who had not tired of hearing these issues commented on by every single rapper in existence. In an bid for mainstream success, many of the tracks on the record were produced by The Neptunes, a highly successful production team consisting of Pharrell and another guy who appears to be of Asian descent. Despite the high profile production and a strong marketing push, Slim Thug failed to connect with a mainstream audience, quickly falling down the billboard charts.

Slim Thug has taken the commercial disappointment of “Already Platinum” in stride. Despite the tendency of many hip hop artists to blame their record companies in such situations, Slim Thug has been eager to shoulder his share of the blame for the lackluster sales. “I think it was a great record, but the problem was the label and the decision-making. Geffen didn't respect my G. My whole album was produced by Pharrell. I mean that’s alright for a single but my dirty south crew didn't get their shine. I grind dirty, ridin’ on candy paint. What they know about that at Geffen? So I'm gonna say their name after RIP. I’m tha Boss. H-Town's finest. Ya heard?"

In recent weeks, Slim Thug has been released from his contract with Interscope Records. His next album “Boss of All Bosses” will be self-released.

Slim Thug’s latest release, titled "Headed 2 Da Kappa", is a mixtape collaboration with the Boss Hogg Outlawz. The mixtape is available for free download HERE. (link via Mixtape Mafia).

KRS-One educates youth about non-violence, KRS-One

Prior to injuries that lead to the postponement of KRS-One's “Stop the Violence” tour, the rapper and Nike pitchman spent last Monday at Crane High School in Chicago educating students about non-violence and who KRS-One is. The tour, which includes stops in some of the nation’s roughest neighborhoods is geared toward promoting KRS-One’s message of nonviolence and his latest single, "Self-Construction." Speaking to a disinterested teenage audience with only a vague notion of who he was, KRS-One (real name Lawrence Parker) spouted trite slogans and non-sequiturs, urging students to “Create themselves” and “polish their mind metal.”

Once considered a significant figure in the hip hop community, KRS-One has been largely ignored by the younger generation of hip hop fans due both to his creepy demeanor and his pseudo intellectual condescension. KRS hopes to appeal to a younger demographic by appearing at their schools and yelling at them for twenty minutes. “I’m talking deep here, only five of you are probably going to understand what I’m saying here,” he told a captive audience who faced detention if they did not remain for the entire lecture, “I'm going to be real with you.”

Reaction to KRS’s message was mixed among the student body. When asked for comment, Tamika Jones, a sophomore, asked, “Why did they get the janitor to talk to us about violence? Did his son get shot or something? He’s old… and weird.”

“This is some bullsh*t, I thought we was gettin’ T.I.!” declared Darnell Washington, referring to the more popular southern rapper who is touring local high schools as part of his court ordered community service.

Others in attendance found much to admire in KRS’s message of hope and beginner level eastern philosophy. Derrick Parson, the gym teacher at Crane High School declared "Man back in '81, I remember the Blastmaster KRS-1 rappin’ at a park party out in Brooklyn Heights. The bridge is over! Maaaan, I thought that guy had retired or something"

KRS-One had a message for the public, "If you keep perpetuating violence, aggressive behavior, that's what people are going to gravitate toward. But if you turn the volume up on peace, people will gravitate towards that as well. Enlightenment comes through education which is fundamental to Hip Hop and to proceed to the next level in the God's karmic knowledge.”

KRS-One’s “Stop the Violence” tour has been temporarily postponed due to injuries to KRS-One caused by violence. The weekend after KRS-One’s “Stop the Violence” rally there were 26 shootings in the Chicago area resulting in four fatalities.

KRS-One’s “Self Construction Preview video featuring The Game (plead no contest to weapons and assault charges), Cassidy (convicted of involuntary manslaughter and two counts of aggravated assault), Fat Joe (arrested on robbery and assault charges), Chamillionare (arrested in a video once).

KRS-One acting as a glorified show and tell presentation:

Lupe Fiasco Wedgied

Following a performance last night at the Key Arena in Seattle, Washington, rapper and self-described “nerd” Lupe Fiasco was reportedly the victim of a vicious wedgie. Fiasco, real name Wasalu Muhammad Jaco, was in town for the opening night of Kanye West’s “Glow in the Dark” tour, which also featured performances by R&B star Rihanna (the poor man's Beyonce), and genre bending rap/rock group N.E.R.D (commonly referred to among hip hop fans as “Pharrell and those other tools”).

According to sources close to the rapper, shortly after leaving the stage he was confronted by two men described as “mean bullies.” The two men allegedly confronted the rapper, calling him names and questioning his gender before tossing his rhyme notebook into a nearby puddle. The two men then yanked up the rapper’s underwear waistband in a maneuver commonly referred to as a “wedgie.”

When reached for comment, a shaken and tearful Fiasco told Murder4Life, “Those guys are jerks! I was just minding my business and these guys just came and picked on me.” While the rapper did not threaten retribution for the bullying, he did vow to “tell Kanye” about the incident.

Lupe Fiasco, a Chicago-based rapper and probable virgin rose to fame after appearing on Kanye West’s hit single “Touch the Sky.” While his records have not faired well in the commercial marketplace, he has been able to gain some notoriety as an “intelligent rapper.” The "intelligent" classification is due in large part to the recent popularity of hip hop hailing from the Southern portion of America. Southern hip-hop, known primarily for its crude boastfulness and graphic references to genitalia, has set the bar for classifying hip hop as “intelligent” surprisingly low in recent years. This has allowed Lupe to retain the title of “intelligent rapper,” despite the fact that the subject matter of most of his songs center around the activities of friendless high school drop-outs, namely video games, cartoons and skateboarding.

The two suspects in the wedgie-ing remain at large and security officials for the “Glow in the Dark” tour are currently assessing whether additional security is required for future dates. Lupe has requested that his mother be flown out for his protection for the remainder of the tour.

Details of the attack remain sketchy and it was not known at press time whether the rapper was also the victim of an “Indian Burn” and whether the wedgie was of the normal variety or an “atomic wedgie.” The next tour stop for the “Glow in the Dark” tour is the ARCO Arena in Sacramento, California on Saturday night.

The "Glow In The Dark" tour mixtape featuring Lupe Fiasco is available for free download HERE.

Saigon changes name to Ho Chi Minh City

Rapper Saigon shocked his dozens of fans today by announcing that he is changing his stage name to Ho Chi Minh City. Saigon, born Brian Daniel Carenard, is a New York City mixtape rapper best known for a speaking role on the homoerotic HBO sitcom “Entourage” and for having his debut album delayed to the point of comedic absurdity.

Sources close to Ho Chi Minh City (HCMC) report that the decision came shortly after he learned that Saigon, the capital city of Vietnam, is no longer named Saigon. The city has been named Ho Chi Minh City since the end of the Vietnam War in 1975. The rapper felt that being named after a city that no longer existed didn’t properly reflect his desperate attempts to stay current in a genre that had largely ignores him.

The rapper explained the decision declaring, “I mean, I just found out about this news. Mad shit be going down there in China or whatever. Get knowledge. So when the news got to my hood I decided that the times don’t change only the names remain the same. Shit is conscious but gangster and you know I’m the most relevant cat in the game.”

The news didn’t come as a shock to HCMC’s diminutive fan base who have become accustomed to his frequent temper tantrums and rash decisions. In 2007, the rapper publicly retired from hip-hop and, upon learning that “hip hop” did not pay retirement benefits, returned a month later. Other bizarre pronouncements by the rapper include his declaration that rapper Tupac Shakur was killed as a result of a government conspiracy and that his debut album will be released this year. When reached for comment, Rebecca Greenwald, a publicist at Atlantic Records, was quoted as saying, “Ho Chi What City?” When ask to elaborate, Greenwald continued, “He thinks his album is coming out this year? That's adorable!"

The newly named Ho Chi Minh to Murder4Life that he had a message for his fans. “This rap game be bigger than motherfuckers think. Saigon as a name is a global phenomenon. The rhymes I spit are so lyrical they bang with me all over the globe son. Ho Chi Minn, that’s what you call me now and forever in the streets. That’s where my rhymes come from whatever name I and the supreme counsels concede to be true that is what representing means.”

Saigon's "The Moral of the Story" mixtape is available for download HERE.

Legal Shocker: 50 Cent has his Baby Mama sent to the Arctic Circle

Following news last week that rapper 50 Cent had his ex-girlfriend, and the mother of his child, Shaniqua Tompkins, evicted from his Long Island mansion, 50 Cent’s legal team scored another victory in court today. In a move unprecedented in the American legal system, a judge ordered Shaniqua Tompkins to be set adrift on an ice floe in the Arctic Circle. Justice Franklin Hoffman, the presiding judge, gave Ms. Tompkins thirty days to put her affairs in order, at which time she will be flown at her own expense to a frozen section of northern Canada and placed on a floating chunk of ice that is not to exceed ten kilometers (six miles) in its greatest dimension.

The move came in response to news that Ms. Tompkins would be unable to repay money she owed to 50 Cent for minor damages to his Long Island home during the time she spent living there. When news of the non-payment reached Fifty, his attorneys sprung into action, filing an emergency motion with the Suffolk County Housing Court requesting the unusual punishment.

The verdict, which was met with gasps from observers in the packed courtroom, stunned legal experts and prompted an immediate appeal from Ms. Tompkins’s attorney. Speaking from the courthouse steps, the flustered and obviously outmatched attorney told reporters, “This is an absurd and unprecedented abuse of the legal system. We remain confident that justice will be served on appeal.” In the meantime, Ms. Tompkins was seen purchasing warm clothing and has enrolled in a two-week intensive course in Arctic survival skills at the Learning Annex.

50 Cent (real name Curtis Jackson), the clear victor in the legal battle expressed his pleasure with the verdict and added, "My team the Jew-Unit, best lawyers you can get. Believe that. I only hang out with professionals. I got money, that’s not even a question but I'm planning on keeping my money. Ain't nobody gonna mess with my crib. You scuff my floors, I straight murk you. That’s what’s hood."

Jackson was similarly optimistic about his future recording endeavors, "You know you can expect quality with anything on the G-Unit brand. Records, clothing, legal verdicts, we deal in consistency. Our 4th quarter profits are gonna be sky high son! I'm not just a rapper I'm the CEO of EVERYTHING. If you're not making money with us, you're not making money period."

When reached for comment, Fifty's lawyer Brett Kimmel, was enthusiastic about the verdict. “My client is the real victim here. After opening his home to Ms. Thompson, she repeatedly violated his trust as well as the terms of their housing agreement by inviting friends and relatives into the house and continually scuffing the hard woods floors of the home.” Other reported damage to the home includes a burned out light bulb, dirty dishes left in a sink and a bed of Azaleas that was trampled by a neighbor’s dog.

Fifty’s lawyer continued, “Many people may find this punishment to be rare, but this was a fairly common practice among the nomadic Inuit tribes of Greenland and northern Alaska at the turn of the 20th Century. There is a valid legal precedent here.” In keeping with the Inuit tradition, if Ms. Tompkins is able to survive in the Arctic and return to the United States, her debt to Fifty will be erased and she will be welcomed back into American society.

The fate of 50 Cent’s son, Marquise Jackson remains in question. At the rapper’s discretion, the child may be sent to live in the his palatial Connecticut estate or, possibly into the custody of a foster home or child services.

The popular legend that the Inuit commonly put their old people on ice floes and set them adrift is wrong in detail, but it's not terribly far off in the broad strokes. Where it was practiced, senilicide (the killing of old people) was rare except during famines. As long as there was enough food, everyone got their share, including the relatively unproductive. However, when food did run short, the old and sick were looked upon as drains on the community's resources. Sometimes they were killed – thrown into the sea, locked out in the cold, or starved to death. Far more commonly they were simply abandoned to die. If an abandoned person could manage to make his way back to the village on his own, he would be welcomed back as a full member of the community. However, this outcome was a rarity.

“Lock and Load,” the second studio album from 50 Cent’s hip hop group G-Unit is scheduled to be released on June 24th on Interscope Records.  The latest G-Unit Mixtape "Elephant in the Sand is available for free download HERE.

Soulja Boy Cancels Show due to Ankle Sprain

Youtube sensation and teen pop star DeAndre Cortez Way, better known to his fans as "Soulja Boy" was forced to cancel a series of dates on his "Yuuuuu: The Future" concert tour this week after spraining his ankle. Sources close to the "flash in the pan" rapper report that he
sustained the injury while practicing a new dance step in the bathroom of his mother's suburban home near Atlanta, Georgia.

The normally agile Soulja Boy was reportedly working on a follow up dance to the shockingly popular "Crank That" he created in 2007. The dance, described as "the electric slide meets an epileptic seizure," took the internet by storm, catapulting the marginally talented performer to worldwide stardom and nominal success.

News of the cancellation was met with disappointment in Ypsilanti, Michigan, where tickets to the rapper's appearance at the nearby Six Flags/Great Adventure Amusement Park were already sold out. Many fans were looking forward to the event as a way to showcase their versions of the rapper's inane dance routines. Local 13 year old, Reginald Francis commented, "Damn! I was gonna battle him with that Iron Man".

When reached for comment, Soulja Boy remained cautiously optimistic, "I mean, there's always gonna be haters but ankle pain is something that affects us all. Whether you tha boss or just gettin' your hustle on, that ankle pain can get ya, for real." The rapper also hoped his young fans would learn from his mistakes, "get some ankle support in ya kicks, ain't nothing the least bit playa about crutches."

Representatives for Soulja Boy report that he hopes to be healed in time for his appearance next week in Myrtle Beach, South Carolina. Soulja Boy is scheduled to perform and judge the pie eating contest.  In the meantime, the rapper is reportedly working on a new dance inspired by his injury and the difficulty he has faced dancing on his tender ankle.  "My new dance is called the 'wonky hobble,' it's gonna be ten times bigger than Crank That!" the rapper declared.  "Watch out for the video, comin' soon."

Soulja Boy's "Yuuuuu: The Future" tour, sponsored by Right On Magazine and Firestone Tires is slated to continue through May.

Busta Rhymes tells mixtape cover artist: “More chains on Cartoon Busta!”

Hip Hop artist and chronic steroid abuser Busta Rhymes, ne Trevor Smith, released his latest mixtape this week. The modestly titled, "I've Already Outshined Your Favorite Rapper" is a collection of remixes and outtakes aimed at making the aging hip-hop star relevant again by connecting with his “street” roots. The release of the tape, a collaboration between Rhymes and the moderately talented DJ Superstar Jay, was not without obstacles however. The release was held up at the last minute with Rhymes demanding changes to the cover artwork. Of particular concern to Rhymes was the amount of gaudy jewelry, or “bling,” that adorns his cartoon likeness.

When reached for comment, Louis Castillo, the album's art director explained the requested changes, “Busta was very concerned that the amount of jewelry worn by ‘Cartoon Busta’ on the cover of the tape would reflect poorly on his wealth in the real world. I tried to explain to him that adding more cartoon bling wasn't really a display of wealth, that anyone can paint more chains on a cartoon, but he didn't seem to understand my point."

Rhymes told Castillo, "The cartoon Busta needs that bling, real heavy. You gots to add in my Flipmode piece and put in a Yankee chain. On EVERY level of reality my bling is supreme. If you see me roll by in the whip, you know the shine will blind you. If you see my picture on a mixtape cover, even on that game, my bling shines brighter than yours. Even If you see me in ya dreams and you dreaming that you and ya girl are at the park, ya best believe her head’s gonna be turned looking at my neck and wrists. I make the room colder with my ice."

Dr. Nathan Thompson, a professor of Psychology at Johns Hopkins University, offered an explanation for the rappers actions. “Busta Rhymes appears to be suffering from narcissistic personality disorder, a malady common among hip hop performers. The exact cause of this disorder is unknown, however, it is often attributed to unreliable caregiving from parents coupled with excessive admiration later in life that is not balanced with realistic feedback.” Thompson continued, “The symptoms of NPD, include self-important fantasies of unlimited success and power, a need for excessive admiration and an inflated sense of entitlement. Additionally, a person with NPD often displays arrogant, haughty behaviors or attitudes."

The aging rapper explained his actions to Murder 4 Life, commenting, "Busta Buss shines like the sun. I'm the god of this shit. I'm standing tall on top of the game just laughing. My bling shows that I got money from all kinds of hustle. One show is your advance homey. I'm already outshining your favorite rapper. That’s why I NEED more chains on my mixtape cover. More chains for Cartoon Busta! That’s how long my money is. My shine is impeccable."

"I've Already Outshined Your Favorite Rapper" is available for free download HERE (link courtesy of 2dopeboyz).

Busta Rhymes plays the 50th Grammy Celebration Concert Tour tomorrow night with Missy Elliot at Webster Hall in  New York City.  For complimentary guest list and event information, email RSVP@blocgroup.com.

Kanye West collaborates with another lame white douche bag

With the release this week of the video for “Homecoming,” featuring Coldplay front man and "huge pussy" Chris Martin, rapper Kanye West continues his long tradition of collaborating with really lame white douche bags. No stranger to douche bags, West has previously teamed up with a multitude of over-emotional pussy rock stars including such notable douche bags as John Mayer, Adam Levine of Maroon 5 and Sting.

Chris Martin rose to fame as the singer for "Coldplay" a band who's douchiness is surpassed only by its wussiness. Martin previously contributed his douchebaggery to the track "Beach Chair" off rapper Jay-Z's mediocre come back record and corporate tie-in, "Kingdom Come." The track has been widely described as "an embarrassment for everyone involved." When reached for comment, Kanye West expressed his admiration for Martin’s previous work and added, “He’s a huge pussy. This record is gonna be huge. I should know.”

Sources close to the rapper report he is currently in talks with several douchebags including U2 frontman Bono and members of the emo band Panic at the Disco regarding future projects.

Other rapper/douche bag collaborations of note include Jay-Z’s album “Collision Course” with rap/rock pussies Linkin Park, Lil Wayne’s remix of "Arms Race" by emo pussies Fall Out Boy and anyone who ever collaborated with Blink 182 drummer and reality television douche bag Travis Barker.

Kanye West - Homecoming Feat. douche bag Chris Martin

Kanye West's "Glow In The Dark" mixtape is available for free download HERE.

Sheek Louch tastes success, moves from "Dimes" to "Twenties."

With the unexpected success of his new single "Good Love," D-Block Records recording artist and petty criminal Sheek Louch, ne Sean Jacobs, has expanded the drug trafficking operation he runs out of his dilapidated one-bedroom apartment in Washington Heights. The perennially underperforming rapper has used the extra income generated from sales of his new album, "Silverback Gorilla" to increase the quantity of marijuana he sells in local clubs around his hometown of Yonkers, New York from "dime bags," to the more lucrative "twenty bags."

When reached for comment, a spokesman for the rapper announced, "Sheek Louch is on a roll. He thinks now is the perfect time to increase his business. This minor success has provided the motivation and, more importantly, the capital for Sheek to make an investment in his future and move to the next level." Louch hopes the increased revenue stream will provide much needed funding for the impoverished D-Block Records, a company that has not been relevant since the late nineties. "We doublin' our profits!" the rapper proclaimed after selling forty dollars worth of low-grade Mexican pot to 18-year-old Terrence Washington, a senior at nearby Saunders Technical School.

The news was met with resounding support from his label colleagues at D-Block Records. D-Block founder and music industry cautionary tale Jadakiss praised the move saying, "This is what we're talking about. D-Block moving that weight, we illegal up in this bitch. Some rappers talk about it, we live it."

“Silverback Gorilla” the rapper’s third solo album was released on March 18th, 2008 on D-Block Records, a division of Koch Entertainment. This week it fell 45 spots to land at number 86 on Billboard Top 200 chart.

Former Columbia Records recording artist Ray Cash obtains Ohio State Real Estate License

Murder 4 Life would like to extend our sincerest congratulations to Ray Cash, who this week passed his Ohio State Real Estate Licensing Exam. Ray Cash born Wardell Raymond Cheeks, was an aspiring rapper hailing from a section of Eastside Cleveland colorfully referred to as the "Hill." Best known for being named Ray Cash and being from Cleveland, Cash has been largely absent from the musical scene since the two week period following the release of his debut album, C.O.D.(Cash on Delivery) in 2006. Cash has accepted an offer to work for Century 21 in Shaker Heights a suburb of his hometown of Cleveland.

When reached for comment, Cash was optimistic about his new career, "If you think the rap hustle is bananas you have no idea what kind of home I can put you in for a low down payment. Flossin? Invest in some property, put your moms up. Come see me in the hood. Century 21 for life Its a buyers market now bitch, get lowwww introductory financing.”

Cash's new enterprise is earning him rave reviews from his customers. Reggie Taylor, a recent home buyer says Cash found him a condo that was both in his price range and in close proximity from his place of employment. "Yo, Ray Cash? I co-sign this dude to the fullest. He put me up in a nice condo with a fixed loan approval. Now that what's really hood! Dude looks real familiar, wasn't he the short cat from Bone Thugz? What happened to them? I'm a get on the internet and cop that as soon as I get my wireless on," said Taylor.

Cash’s family is similarly optimistic about his new career choice. When reached for comment, Cash’s mother Nel Cheeks shared, “We’re all so proud of Raymond. He made such nice music but I think we all knew it was time for him to come home, have a regular job, meet a nice girl, raise a family.”

Cash’s license allows him to own, manage or operate his own brokerage. Real estate licenses are those authorizations by a local or state administration given to agents and/or brokers to be able to legally represent a seller or buyer in the process of buying or selling real estate in that specific community or state. In order to become licensed, most states require that an applicant take a minimum number of classes before taking the state licensing exam. Such education is often provided by real estate brokerages as a means to finding new agents.

Murder 4 Life Exclusive: Spider Loc's Debut Album Slated for Release “Soon”

Sources close to west coast rapper and G-Unit punchline Spider Loc, ne Curtis Norvell Williams, have confirmed the hip hop artist’s latest album “West Kept Secret” will be officially released “Soon.” The release date is good news for the rapper, who’s hypothetical album was first announced for release in Nevuary 2008 and has since suffered from a series of delays and set-backs.

In a Murder 4 Life exclusive, Spider Loc’s Baby-Mama’s cousin from around the way commented, “Yeah baby, my boo Spider is definitely Cripin' for G-Unit West ya heard? Spider told me that the album was coming ‘Soon’ for all you hater-ass bamas.” The rapper who’s career highlights include an appearance on the adequate soundtrack for the 50 Cent semi-fictional biopic, “Get Rich or Die Tryin,” and a completely inconsequential beef with fellow West Coast rapper The Game apparently remains irrationally optimistic about the prospect of his record receiving an official release. According to sources close to the rapper, the unexplainably boastful MC, and self described “G-Unot Killa” has declared “Tell me what the Loc is if he ain’t the shit.” Members of Loc’s inner-circle expect “multi-platinum sales in the streets” and at least multi-dozen sales in retail locations worldwide from Compton to Englewood. When reached for comment, Loc stated, “Game didn’t bring the West back he just cleared my way. This is what we’ve all been waiting for, G-Unit West, Spider Loc, mess your chest up like an egg toss. Believe that.”

If true, this announcement could mean a busy 2008 for G-Unit records which already has several releases planned for both Nevuary and Soon, including records from the extremely patient Hot Rod, the increasingly irrelevant Free Way and the largely forgotten Mase Murder.

When reached for comment sources for G-Unit/Interscope referred Murder 4 Life to an intern in the mailroom who would neither confirm or deny the story.

Max B shot, world remains unconcerned

Hopelessly unrecouped rapper Max B received a paltry smattering of publicity today for a shooting that has been called "the most exciting thing to happen to the rapper's career in years." While the rapper has no formal releases scheduled from any existing labels, he is hoping that the incident will drum up mild interest in an upcoming mixtape and allow him to take a much needed break from bagging groceries at his local Key Foods supermarket.

Max B called Murder 4 Life to comment, but we didn't accept the charges.

Lil Wayne, Sober for a Day, Reassesses Life and Tattoo Choices

Miami, Florida: Sources close to rapper Lil Wayne reported the rapper spent an entire 24 hour period earlier this week without indulging in any mind altering substances and was shocked to learn of his behavior during the past two years.

Sources close to the rapper claim the day started out like any other, with one major difference: The pharmacy close to Wayne’s Miami home was out of any cough syrup containing codeine and promethazine, the intoxicant of choice for the rapper. The rapper attempted to make due with Flintstones brand chewable vitamins but soon found himself sober for the first time in at least two years.

“Wayne was buggin!” reports Mack Maine, a close friend of the rapper, and signee to Wayne’s Young Money Entertainment record label. “Muthfucka was cursing and yelling all kinds of shit.”

Lil Wayne, aka, Weezy, aka, Weezy F. Baby, aka Birdman Jr., aka The Rapper Eater, aka President Carter, a hip hop artist and self proclaimed “Best Rapper Alive” rose to prominence due in large part to his recent appearances on an unprecedented number of Mix Tapes and guest appearances on other rappers songs. In recent months, however, the rapper has come under fire for his bizarre behavior including arrests on weapons and drug charges and a collaboration with fellow hip hop artist Ja Rule.

The source of Wayne’s distress was apparently a number of personal and financial decisions the MC had made during the extended period of intoxication. Chief among his complaints were recent tattoos that now cover much of the rapper’s body. “Why I got tats on my face?!” The rapper reportedly asked members of his entourage. “And why does it say ‘Baby’ on my arm?” Friends explained to Wayne that the “BABY” tattoo was an homage to his close friend and mentor Brian "Baby" Williams. A confused and visibly shaken Wayne immediately arranged for an appointment at a nearby tattoo studio to have the words “No Homo” added underneath.

Wayne was similarly distressed about a number of decisions that had been made concerning his career and finances. “They was all free!?” The rapper repeatedly asked, apparently referring to the multitude of mix tapes the rapper had created for free download on the Internet which could have potentially netted the rap star thousands if not millions if they had been for sale. “What the fuck was I thinking?” The rapper also expressed remorse for his role on rapper Jay-Z’s “American Gangster” album. “I made a song about Brooklyn?!” the rapper was quoted as saying. “Fucka, I ain’t never even been to Brooklyn! 17th Ward, New Orleans, where you at?”

When reached for comment representatives for the rapper released the following statement: “Lil Wayne is currently going through a difficult period in his life, we ask that the public and the media respect his privacy as he attempts to reassess the direction his life and career have taken over the past 24 months. Wayne wants his fans to know that he can’t feel his face and urges them to ‘Please Say the Baby.”

Sources close to the rapper are hoping the pharmacy restocks cough syrup before Wayne notices the “Fear” and “God” tattoos on his eyelids, hears his new single “Lollipop” or learns of his stated plans to start a band named “Bad Ass Grasshopper.”

Lil Wayne’s new album, Tha Carter III is slated for release in May, 2008 on Cash Money Records.

Baby D readies concept album detailing the rise and fall of the Ottoman Empire

Atlanta, Georgia – This Wednesday, Koch Records announced plans to release the latest Baby D album, a prodigious three disc set entitled “OTTO MAN.” Throughout the three discs, Baby D, ne Donald B., a noted amateur history scholar and rap artist, plans to detail the rise and fall of the Ottoman Empire.

A Koch records spokesman, made the announcement Wednesday, adding, “We are incredibly excited to be working with Baby D on this exciting project. I think this will signal a sea change in the rap community in which artists cease speaking on trivial matters such as material wealth and drug use and begin to chronicle the great civilizations of human history.”

When asked why he had chosen the Ottoman Empire, in particular, Baby D commented, “Under Selim and Suleiman, the empire became a dominant naval force, controlling much of the Mediterranean. The exploits of the Ottoman admiral Barbarossa Hayreddin Pasha, who commanded the Turkish navy during Suleiman's reign, led to a number of military victories over Christian navies. Among these were the conquest of Tunis and Algeria from Spain; the evacuation of Muslims and Jews from Spain to the safety of Ottoman lands (particularly Salonica, Cyprus, and Constantinople) during the Spanish Inquisition; and the capture of Nice from the Holy Roman Empire in 1543. That’s straight gangsta. It’s goin down! I'm bout Money.”